I say a little prayer for you

I just got home from campus. Well, an hour ago anyway. I was pretty stressed this week because I knew that I had to meet with one of the graduate directors today and be evaluated. Evaluations happen once a year in theory. In practice, they happen twice. Once in the Fall and another time in the Spring. This is because we have two grad directors, and I think they are tag teaming us to make sure we are on the ball. The first year we met with both of them together. The second year, they split their meetings up. I think they may also be taking advantage of the fact that students may be comfortable with one more than the other and they are offering the opportunity for us to vent if we need to. I like that. Still, I get worried when I get the meeting notification email. These meetings can decide whether you are put on probation or kicked out or whatever. Because I hadn't defended my proposal yet, I was worried that that might hurt my evaluation. It didn't.

When I came home, I started playing a video game (way to handle procrastination huh? procrastinate more). In the midst of play, Aretha's voice started singing inside my head.

Forever forever, you'll stay in my heart and I will love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part oh how I love you!
Together together thats how it must be......

I started singing too. Eventually I just had to look for the song and play it. I don't know whats up with that, I mean it isn't like it even came out in my lifetime and I had some significant event occur while it was playing or something...but I was compelled nevertheless. And so, because its what I do, listen if you will to the sister queen in action:

I Say A Little Prayer - Aretha Franklin

So

I have had a nice summer. Besides reconnecting with people on campus that I never see as they are in different departments etc. I read quite a bit and really enjoyed myself. Last week I went to the beach for old times sake with the girl I used to go to the beach with all the time before we fell apart (J).

I would have to say the highlight of this summer has been attending the Boyz II Men concert last night. I had such an unbelievably good time. I still miss the bass, but their concert was different from their albums and they overcame their lack of power with a wonderful performance so truthfully, it was okay that he wasn't there. I got a rose too from Wanya though they were giving them out to everyone they could... still, it was nice. I figure I'll save it, but I don't know for what. maybe stick it in a picture frame as border or something.


Life is so good when its good.

7-11

I stopped by the 7-11 tonight as a favour for my little. I noticed a man standing outside, muttering to himself I supposed. I had no way of knowing as per usual I had my radio blasting and the windows rolled up.

Giving her a last minute directive not to speak to anyone in the store I turned my attention to the man. He was black. His skin was gorgeous. He was tall and quite handsome. He had to have been at least 40, and by the looks of him, and he was clearly homeless. His hair was an untidy afro and his cloths, though properly fitting and perfectly matched were dirty. Not filthy, but dirty.

He stood there while my little shopped and I stared, seemingly oblivious to the world around him. The only indication he gave that he was aware of his surroundings was his shifting positions on the walk to allow shoppers to enter and exit the store. He didn't ask anyone for money and in fact the only conversation he seemed to want to engage in was with himself.

I stared and stared at this man who was talking to no one and perhaps everyone as he stood on the sidewalk outside of the 7-11. I stared at his grey sweatpants and his jordan sneakers, observing the dirt on them simultaneously processing the understanding that any form of filth on sneakers -especially jordans- is cause for donation. I stared as he lit up a cigarette and rocked on his heels while he muttered to himself. I stared and wondered how it was that a man that gorgeous could have become the ghost that stood before me. I wondered if it was mental illness or drugs that carried him down the path that he travels now and wondered about his family whom I know care about him.

I believe that he held a special fascination for me because of his handsomeness. That, and the fact that he didn't appear to be in the business of hustling at all. He was just standing and talking, to no one until tomorrow when the shelter would again take residents for the evening. This world is a quagmire.

I am so flipping pissed off right now.

I've been waiting on a lawyer to sign some forms so that I can get some mice I need to proceed with my many projects. The BUM STILL has yet to do what I need him to dangit do.

LIED and said he never got them at first...Know he did because two separate people didn't send off two SEPARATE envelopes and they both got lost on the way to his precious desk. NEVER called to say that he didn't receive them although he knew they were on the way through interoffice mail which takes only ONE day...check up on his sorry behind a month later and he is like "Oh they never got here". oh my god.

SENT the munch attachments THREE WEEKS ago...all he needs to do at that point is sign and mail them over...STILL has not done so. Doesn't respond to emails...can't get him on the phone...You would think that he is a criminal defense attorney or something.

I still have to wait two months for them to go through quarantine once they ship and THEN interbreed them after that which could take MONTHS...and here he is holding up progress. I want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Baby Borrowers

I love this show. It is so fantastic to see couples relax, succeed, enjoy and struggle through their relationships. I have learned so much from watching them all. I think that it is sort of sad how isolated family units have become now. We don't really know that what we are experiencing is normal and can be overcome if we don't have examples of success.

Beach day and dog sitting

Me and a couple of friends hung out all day today. brunch turned into a 4 hour trip to the beach followed by dinner with a guy who is leaving his dog with me for 2 weeks. She is a sweetie pie though she loooooooooooooves to lick you a lot. like lots and lots. I was curious to know how my cat would act if I introduced a dog to the household and apparently she wouldn't be overly stressed about it. Exciting.


I am totally happy I met these two grads....they are the realest people here and we have the same mentality about life. If I want to go somewhere be it 5 or 50 miles away, I go...they do too. Life is about to be splendid around here now.

On a whole 'nother front- I may have alienated one friend by trying to maintain my friendship with another friend because they are gay (confusing I know but whateva). It is somewhat weird to have to keep my friends separate from one another but I guess that is what it is. I only hope that we can still study together because at the end of the day, that is still supreme in my world.

Bernie Mac and Issac Hayes in 1 day! What is this world coming to????!?!?!? depressing

Also-I wish like hell JK Rowling would write another harry potter book. I am feening like mad.

And still...I'm resolute in my opinion

Apparently I angered some people with my thoughts on the CNN piece regarding the Calvo raid. Good. My mind isn't changing. I stand firm in my beliefs and opinions.

Until this happens at higher incidences in affluent white communities it won't stop happening in ours. Bring it on.

How fitting

I checked to see if I had any comments today and low and behold I had two. One was in response to a post that I published some time ago entitled Police Presence at FAMU homecoming vs FSU


I found it fitting that this comment by Anonymous (they are always anonymous aren't they?) was fielded on the day that the Calvo incident made the news. In response to it and the general sentiments shared by people like Anonymous, I edited my original post. Following is the edited excerpt:


I did not write the above article. I republished it. So all of you numb nuts that are trying to poke holes in its lack of evidentary fact (though truly there are none) need to take a step back and reflect for a moment. This article was written by a white student at FSU and I for one was thrilled to see it. It told me that hey, there are people who do notice the difference in treatment between the two schools by TPD. It is a heartwarming testament to the humanity I failed to notice in white people prior to reading it.

I have long noticed that white people like to make excuses for the mistreatment of minority groups at the hands of the police (in general). This comes as a result of their ability to make excuses for the maltreatment of minorities in general.

I couldn't make heads nor tails of the last comment posted (the one by Anonymous (of course) at 5:26 pm). Not because it wasn't written well. Many such comments are hard to decipher for that reason alone. And truthfully, I didn't read it thoroughly after I saw that it was a defensive argument for what I believe is unfair and inhumane treatment of American citizens. I am always baffled when people try and make excuses for inequality. What has me particularly intrigued is the following:

FAMU Homecoming also brings criminals to TLH in droves

I could kick the ass of Anonymous until my foot bled and then continue kicking until it were a bloody stump.

Why is it that defenders of the GREAT WHITE WAY can not see that they are buying into bullshit? Don't think for a minute that black people are more prone to criminality that white people. Don't think for a minute that the crimes of black people are more egregious than those of white people. Rachel Hoffman was no better than a two-bit crack dealer in my opinion. How her parents and the white community can now consider her a martyr today I'll never know.

What I will be certain of as long as I live is that in this capitalist society we live in, Money -not race- is king. Please believe that jails are BIG BUSINESS. You anonymous, and the millions like you are at the precipice of equal treatment for all. After they have severely decimated our communities, yours are next. And, because you have so forcefully defended your views concerning the might of the police, no one is going to spare a poster or petition in your support.

Until that happens, I guess this type of rationale is the wave of post "civil rights act" future... who knows. All I know is that today, when the mayor of Berwyn Hills, MD got on tv with his crying wife, I smiled. Shit I laughed my ass off.

and super B rears her ugly head this morning

i find it very hard (read: impossible) to give a damn about his two dogs, his hurt feelings, or the tears of his family members...matter of fact this made me happy a little bit inside (read: hopeful) welcome to the real world calvo. may many more people be introduced to it soon.

Mayor wants federal probe after SWAT raids house, kills dogs(CNN) -- A Maryland mayor is asking the federal government to investigate why SWAT team members burst into his home without knocking and shot his two dogs to death in an investigation into a drug smuggling scheme.
Berwyn Heights, Maryland, Mayor Cheye Calvo comforts wife Trinity Tomsic at a news conference Thursday.

Berwyn Heights, Maryland, Mayor Cheye Calvo comforts wife Trinity Tomsic at a news conference Thursday.


"This has been a difficult week and a half for us," Cheye Calvo, mayor of Berwyn Heights, Maryland, said Thursday. "We lost our family dogs. We did it at the hands of sheriff's deputies who burst through our front door, rifles blazing."

The raid last week was led by the Prince George's County Police Department, with the sheriff's special operations team assisting, after a package of marijuana was sent to Calvo's home.

Authorities say the package was part of a scheme in which drugs are mailed to unknowing recipients and then intercepted.

Calvo said he had just returned home from walking his two Labrador retrievers, Chase and Payton, when his mother-in-law told him a package had arrived for his wife, Trinity Tomsic.

Moments later, Calvo was in his room changing for a meeting when he heard commotion downstairs.

"The door flew open," he said. "I heard gunfire shoot off. There was a brief pause and more gunfire."

Calvo said he was brought downstairs at gunpoint in his boxer shorts, handcuffed and forced onto the floor with his mother-in-law near the carcass of one of dead dogs. Video Watch Calvo describe the raid »

"I noticed my two dead dogs lying in pools of their own blood," Calvo said.

Calvo said his mother-in-law is still recovering from the incident.

"She got the worst of it," Calvo said. "She was literally in the kitchen, cooking a lovely pasta dish, and they brought down the door and shot our dogs."

While he was being held, Calvo said, he told police he is the town's mayor, but they didn't believe him.

Berwyn Heights has its own police force, he said, but Prince George's County police did not notify the municipal authorities of their interest in his home or the package.

"They didn't know my name. All they knew was my wife's name. They matched that to the registration of the car," Calvo said. "It was that lack of communication that really led to what has really been the most traumatic experience of our lives."

After the raid, arrests were made in the package interception scheme.

The incident has prompted the couple to call for a federal investigation because, they say, they don't believe police are capable of conducting an internal investigation.

"They've said they've done nothing wrong," Calvo said. "I didn't sign up for this fight, but I think what we have to do now is make changes to how Prince George's County police and Prince George's County sheriff's department operate."

Calvo said authorities entered his home without knocking and refused to show him a warrant when he requested one.

But Prince George's County Police Department spokeswoman Sharon Taylor said legal counsel had informed her that "no-knock" warrants do not exist in Maryland. Video Watch authorities defend their actions »

Taylor said authorities were acting on a warrant issued based on information available to them at the time.

"This warrant was for permission to search the premises," she said. "The special operations team that supported us made a decision about the necessity of entry at the point of being on the scene."

"No-knock" warrants have drawn criticism before. In Atlanta, Georgia, Kathryn Johnston, 92, was shot to death by police in a botched drug raid involving such a warrant in November.

Taylor, a self-described dog lover, expressed sympathy for the loss of Calvo's dogs, but stopped short of apologizing for the incident.

"We've done these similar kinds of operations over and over again, to the tune of removing billions of dollars of drugs from the community and without people or animals being harmed," she said. "We don't want any of our operations to result in the injury or loss of anybody, and certainly not animals."

The deputies have said they killed the two animals because they felt threatened.

"I would say that the dogs presented a threat, I would imagine, to the special operations situation," Taylor said.

Meanwhile, Calvo and his wife said members of the community have expressed sympathy and concern about the incident.
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At a news conference Thursday, Tomsic tearfully recalled a recent encounter with a neighbor who used to wave at the couple as they walked Payton and Chase.

"She gave me a big hug," Tomsic said. "She said, 'If the police shot your dogs dead and did this to you, how can I trust them?' "

I might lose my mind

I actually have an opportunity to see Boyz II Men live in concert!

Ostracized but not Out

Mind has been reflecting and looking forward and wondering and just impossibly noisy all day.

I've moved through my tasks, meetings (three in all) and interactions with half a mind.
I keep wondering when and if and how "X" could happen. I also wonder if I can hold the same power as others if I ascend to "X" level.

A surprise call followed by a totally unexpected visit from the caller last Sunday has
made me realize something about myself....

I am noticed
I am watched
I am admired

because of my weirdness. Not despite..BECAUSE. I was actually shocked. For all the time I have spent here, I've been thinking that those things that made me stand out and apart to the point of exclusion from the "clique" were bad things... I realize now, in astonished wonderment, that they are gifts that keep me. And traits that make me admirable in others eyes. Funny isn't it.

Now, today, as the full weight of this revelation has come to the forefront of my mind, I wonder.

Can these same things make me stand out in a positive way in "X" arena? Could it really happen for me the way that I've wanted it to for so long?
If it did, wouldn't it be really wonderful????