"Sanctuary mansion"

I'm not a Guiliani fan, but this mess was hilarious:

Associated Press
Published on: 11/28/07
Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney scornfully debated immigration Wednesday in a testy personal exchange in which Giuliani accused Romney of employing illegal immigrants at his home and running a "sanctuary mansion."

False alarm and pardon

I suppose Ed has either changed his mind, or it was simply a false alarm.

Please pardon my french....I am still striving people!
But only in print.

I've gotten the potty out of my mouth.

you be got me damn!

an expression of absolute disbelief (as in: i can't believe this shit!!! to the nth degree). can also mean "i can't believe you have the nerve!" and "you have me completely fucked up if you think i'm going to "X" ".

I went on my weekly jaunt down the road and was floored. Is ed gone? what the hell?

So many bloggers are quitting or relegating themselves to the private quarters of the blogosphere that I am actually sitting here scratching my head.

Novembers

I've noticed that I post the fewest entries in november.

I have been making some changes in my life recently. Nothing monumental, but moves that are certain to bring even more happiness into my life.

My brother and his wife visited for thanksgiving. They brought the superstar. It was nice to have family in my home for a holiday. This was the first time ever.

I've been trying to live without cable television..I am not sure that I can make it.

what i learned today...

it IS important to give a man his dreams

Truce

We've reached a truce in the lab...at least two of us. I suppose I earned some respect finally.

I reached out to an old college chum the other day. He wrote back. He said that he has tried to reach me repeatedly. Again with the misty stuff. I miss the time that I shared with him just sitting around discussing stuff that NO ONE else would dream of chatting about over lunch in the cafeteria. Like say, black holes, the origin of life or the validity of the bible. We had a regular think tank going for a while.

I miss college sometimes....mostly because I don't encounter people like sly everyday.

I was wrong

Sometimes, when you don't tell people things that are big, you aren't weird...
you're just too devastated to share.


I was so wrong...

Lab Relations

Are back to normal. Normally shitty. I'm okay with it i guess. i'm pretty sick of the in-fighting (non-communication and general silliness) but i can't stress it anymore. I'm stressing real things.

Like:
my lack of data
my professors slowness to act (should i push him a bit harder? does he want me to quit? does he want me to be _____?)
my inability to tap people that i can ask for help
my lack of access to the tools i need to work on the tasks before me.


Things turn around as quickly as they turn about. I'm sure that they (I) will be alright in the morning. But right now...i'm fairly anxious.

and yes, insomnia is back to visit.

We all have faith.

Good morning. We all have faith.
Here's the proof... When you go to the pharmacy... You pick up a prescription that you don't understand... Take a medicine that you can barely pronounce.... From a doctor who told you it would help you.... You listen to a weather man who tells you its gonna be sunny and hot today.... So you put on shorts and a T-shirt and move along smiling.... If we would just read scripture the same way we'd have a lot more miracles in our lives. Here's Gods report for your life.. “For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. To give you a happy ending!” :). (Jeremiah 29 11)
God is Love
Rev Run



This made me happy today

Jumbled thoughts

If your sister died, would you say anything to your in-laws who prayed for her about it? If you didn't, would you be weird? I think yes and yes are appropriate responses.

**I'm sort of crawling out of my skin in this place. I feel just out of touch with the world here. Just. Of course, I must admit that I have this little bitty habit of living in my own head...regardless of my location so really, I wonder if this place is the problem. It might be me.


Also, I have been very disgusted with black people (read: men) for the last 24 hours....so don't mess with me.

**Finish school and it will all be there for you
Pray for it

Why??????? A 40 year old man and a 20 year old woman. What the are the women in between supposed to do??? Oh yeah I forgot...marry the mechanic with 4 kids. rigggght


Man I need to get out of the house.

He called

I read Tyler perry's website last night, just to see what kind of man he was (seems to be a fantastic one)and read about how his dad was. Afterwards, I thought back on my own childhood simultaneously thinking of the man at the zoo. I could definitely say that my dad was NOT that kind of man. Would talk to us when he took us to the zoo, to Birmingham, to anywhere. He loves to talk. He's talking right now...telling me about ranch houses and why they are called that.

He was on my mind heavy last night, and I'm glad he called.

It was a cool talk....I realized I need to forgive him for Xmas after reading Tyler's site and opened my heart a bit. I really need to forgive everyone for everything...Today is gonna be a busy day. : )

Christmas

I don't think I will be going home for christmas this year.
It puts a definite pall on the coming season.

I'm searching for ways to put a positive spin on things. I'm sure my lab work would benefit from my continued diligence. I'm also putting in effort on another major project that will require my focus. I just hope that I have it in me to move forward without being negative about not going home.

***I'm so ready for some things to fall into place. So ready.
I remember filling out my app to come here and how I waited to the last minute. I turned it in at practically midnight on the deadline because I was afraid of rejection. Still, I did it and just cast my prayers heavenward. I remember getting word that I was invited for an interview....and that I'd been accepted. How surreal it all was. The one that I was certain would turn me down said yes to me.
Now I find myself in the same position....I feel so silly on the one hand, and yet compelled to press forward on the other. A girl can dream can't she????

Reflection and growth

The manager didn't purchase the needed supplies, so I wasn't able to get my experiment off of the ground the other day. Instead, I took the time to review the comments my advisor put on the rough draft of my proposal.

I learned something very valuable.
He is being completely honest with me when he says that he cannot mentor me through my project.

I'm so used to professors testing and trying me that I was blinded by my own insecurities.

The amazing thing is that I feel so comfortable with the techniques that I have proposed, I have no concern that I won't be taught much in the way of molecular techniques. I just feel blessed to be able to address the question at all. I'm still thrilled over my project.

I'm so totally confident now....so sure. Even in failure. I know that he is afraid, but there is this peace about me...I am unshaken.

New Experiment

I'm doing a new experiment in the lab.

It isn't new to me, just new to the question we are addressing.
No one thinks it will work.

Its sort of discouraging...because I tend to walk into experiments with my back up already.

I'm getting pretty good at tuning out the naysayers.

I hope the new antibody is there today.

Okay

I'm ready

Destiny controls the air
No matter where you are
Your home is in my heart

I've mentioned THE LIST before.
THE LIST was a directive...issued by my eldest brother about 7 years ago. I'd been bruised by a random guy that talked the talk and he thought my eyes should have been on the "prize" anyway. I say bruised because I wasn't in love...wasn't even in like with the guy, just confused about the situation I was put in. The hurt I felt was an echo of a past occurence...one that didn't involve matters of my heart anyway.

Still, no one that I respected had spoken to me about getting married before and, because I generally did what I was told in those days, I got down to business with THE LIST.

THE LIST he said, should be my request to God. I should put down on paper (and I mean write it down) everything that I wanted in a husband. Everything I thought I might want. Then pray over it. God will answer your prayers he said. His wife was chirping in and telling me to do it. They both assured me that they had and that it worked for them, just as it should have. I complied, or at least tried to. I started the list, then realized that I didn't know or care what my husband would or should be like. The closest I could come to a list was that I wanted a southern gent...grit eating and all. I figured I'd let God handle all the rest of it later on.

7 years or so ago, I couldn't have given less than a damn about settling down. I wasn't ready. All I wanted to do was get fine...I was working on a diet and exercise regimine that was paying off in spades.

6 years or so ago, I moved back home, and my brother and his wife came to visit the following X-mas. They inquired after THE LIST, and I told them that I would get around to it. They were pretty insistent about it, and I was pretty earnest in my assertions that I really would try harder. I put together a tentative list, replete with question marks, let them read it over (at which point I was told it was for god not them, but my sister read it anyway cause she nosy like that...ebonics ya'll)and stuffed it into my never read bible where it also would lay unread for about another year.

Then I met the Georgia boy. The Georgia boy was a tall fine grit eating southern dude. He was also the first dud I met.

At this point I had reached my goal. I was fine. And frankly all I wanted to do was enjoy life the way god intended. I had saved up some money, and was living at home so I had disposable income. I also had the great fortune to have moved home at a time when my closest cousins had also moved home. Those were the best of times.

After about 12 months of craziness from GA, I cursed him out and pulled out THE LIST , removing a few question marks and adding a few more lines to an already long prayer request. Afterwards, I stuffed ye olde LIST back in said bible where it lay folded and unprayed for for as long as the bible remained in my possession. One evening the following year, the bible was placed in a hotel drawer and forgotten upon checkout. It irked me, because I really liked that bible..but as for THE LIST I didn't mind so much.

I had started my Masters degree by this time. I had the love and company of my family all around me, and I was on a man hiatus. GA boy was a doozy.

Still, and this is important to note (because I remembered those times just tonight and remembered something even more special), that next year, after my brother planted the seed of marriage, and just before and shortly after meeting GA boy, I began praying for my husband. Mind you, I wasn't asking god for my husband, I simply was praying for my husband.

I had heard this song,
and it had moved me.

I believed that God had him already chosen for me, and that he was somewhere in the world living, just as I was, and trying to establish himself. I knew that I wasn't ready, and in that state, I asked god to take care of him and to keep him close. I asked him to draw my intended near and to keep him safe. I asked God to help him to become the man I needed and wanted, to help him to be strong and to help him with his dreams. I prayed that god would prepare him for me and asked that he would in turn prepare me for him.

And with those prayers I was content.

I haven't done it for a long while now. I'd forgotten that I'd even done that. I had forgotten the peace and joy and happiness that I was able to enjoy that year and the next until tonight. That time spent like those years I spent sincerely talking to god and believing that he was big and bad enough to make it alright and all better. Tonight I remembered those prayers. I remembered what took me away from them and that time of peace. Tonight I wanted it all back.

With that, I must say that I have hit the snooze on my clock for the last time.

Most importantly, I have changed my attitude, and I've gotten my act together. Quick huh?

So, I've started praying, and I've stepped it up a notch. I'm praying those prayers again, but this time with THE LIST in mind

The List

Christian-actively seeking a love relationship with God. Puts god first and is willing to assume the head.

Single. Not in any kind of relationship with a woman (and please not a man) at all.

Established. Ready to support a family, and understands and is willing to cover me the way that he should.

No kids. wants children though, and devoted to the concept of being an active father/co-parent.

Not abusive in any way. doesn't belittle me, try and hit me, yell at me (unless appropriate)-generally isn't trying to make me want to die.

Not a cheat

or a liar

Not an addict. No porn, no strip clubs. Not a weedhead, crack or coke head. Not on the bottle either

Kind. Not just nice to people. A genuinely kind person.

Respects me.

Caring.

Supportive, can conceptualize my vision and willing to implement it or at least compromise.

Understanding and accepts me, especially my illness.

He doesn't have to have umpteen degrees, but educated nonetheless.

Black, african american

6'2 or taller and sort of big.

don't know how he should look and don't particularly care, just attractive to me.

Patient.

Loves me and is devoted to marriage in the way that is outlined biblically.

Likes me. Is my friend...in the truest sense of the word

Doesn't have divorce in his vocabulary either.

Thinks I'm beautiful.