I am going on an interview in a week. Hope I get an offer. It's a prestigious post. I'm past the point of thinking I'm not worthy. Well, not really....I renew my mind daily, telling myself that I am worthy.
People talk about forgiveness as if it is freeing. Currently, I find it to be hard work.
I still wake up with an unimaginable anger in my heart. In my minds eye, I envision myself searing people and great fields of wheat with intense flames at will. ala firestarter. I spend at least an hour talking myself into a more normal world view....I'm cynical. I work at just getting to the point where I'm focused on advancing my career. And then I'm no longer angry.
Forgiveness is something that I do everyday. I wake up and choose to let go over and over and over.
I think that I messed up when i spoke of the different things that went on with me inside the lab to my professor. I think I came across as a whiner and complainer. I should never speak up when bad things happen. It only makes things worse.